This too, Shall pass!

I am in it again. And this is what I’m afraid of.

My roommate just moved out.  No matter how much I try to rearrange my things to make the room look like nothing has changed, I still cannot convince myself to not see and think how bare the room is.  And the bareness haunts me. I have always been afraid of bareness, of emptiness – thus, I avoid it in any way, any circumstance. I cannot wallow in it. Maybe that’s the reason why I always want to be around with people – friends or not. I always want to get lost in a big place and in a multitude of people, or of things.  It doesn’t matter how unfamiliar and hostile the environment is, the busier the better.

BUT, I have never since told anyone how I really feel, all the more show it. Most times I am misleading and in many ways, a contradiction to my very own physical self.  And you will never have a clue of what I’m really thinking about or going through. False pretenses? Not really. I guess I might have just built a wall so high and thick that people can never really see through me. Maybe my close friends do, maybe they don’t.

Ah, Melancholia. Why do you have to be this pensive? And why do you have to grow, as I grow, too?

OR maybe constantly listening to Adele’s “Rolling In The Deep” for an hour now doesn’t really help. So lemme just take a bath, go out and get lost again.