So now I’m back in the bustling capital. I never thought six months of bumming around could pass by so fleetingly. And no, I didn’t go soul-searching, that’s just so pretentious and passe. I simply just missed home. I did what I wanted – spent time with my family, and I got what I needed – a break. I got so cozy and comfortable living a care-free life that I had to pull myself out of it before I completely drown. Truth be told, I’ve always feared that I’d be as nothing as our neighborhood ghettos who, even at their thirty’s, still ask money from their folks to buy themselves beer and company. It’s just wrong and demoralizing. And maybe life would be better if they’d just buy themselves some purpose.
I had to remind myself that I am not getting any younger. And while some of my friends have gone finding their greener pastures, here I am still figuring out how to be successful, or at the very least, what I really want. Right now, I feel like a sixth-grader writing a school essay about “What I want to be when I grow up”, only that I AM a grown up. And it’s a pity how I still don’t know what I want. I feel like I’m being mocked and laughed at by the universe, despite how I learned from Albert Camus that it is in fact, benignly indifferent. I keep on feeling an extra ounce of sorry for myself every time I see a facebook picture of some of my friends getting themselves somewhere. I get happy for them but I secretly get envious and sad. It’s pathetic, really. And since I’ve mastered the art of faking happiness, no one really knows. No one CAN know.
Enough of emo-like sulking to self-pity! It's totally so not me.
So what’s the plan then? Right now, I’m back to basics. First get myself a job, preferably a higher-paying than the previous one. And thus, last week I have been busy job hunting here in the big metro. Technically, this is the first time I’ve been on a job hunt since my previous work came to me while I was busy with my undergrad thesis and I got employed a week after graduation. I’ve never felt so tired after every day of going to offices and companies! It is, after all not easy to buy yourself a purpose (I feel for you, neighborhood ghettos!). But do I seriously have the right to give-up? Shame! I know there are worse problems in this world and the last thing people would want to hear (or read) is the ranting of a middle-class yuppie trying to land himself employment. It’s just unfair to everyone who are experiencing REAL problems this very moment while I finish this crapola of a write-up on the 29th floor of an air-conditioned condominium at the heart of this posh city. Just kidding! BUT seriously, I have to get a job and then from there perhaps I will make that giant leap: towards building a career up, chasing other dreams, go places, be someone someday and etc. Who knows? Perhaps I might truthfully achieve the things I rambled in my sixth-grade essay of “What I want to be when I grow up” - whatever that is.
So here’s to resignations, job-hunts and future high-paying employments! And of course to new, small beginnings!